But when it came to telling my friends that he raped me, why did my Indian friends find it so hard to believe a fellow Indian could do what Neil did to me? First-generation Indian kids are constantly walking a tightrope between our Indian heritage and our American identities.
But it also didn't stop them from asking, "Are you sure you guys didn't just accidentally hook up last night?
If I hazily remembered flirting with him on the walk home, who's to say I didn't say no when push came to literal shove?
Even though I'd never blacked out, and don't remember drinking at all, did I maybe just get really drunk?
Given my friends' suspicions that there was maybe more to the story than I was letting on, even knowing that my judgment had to have been chemically clouded, I started to question my own recollections.
Neil and I had been flirting here and there in the weeks leading up to the party.